I’ve given up on finding photo sharing software that I can host on my web site that is both easy to use, and easy to upload so I’m going to use Google Picassa. 

Pictures here

I was going to write a long post about the experience but the reality is that I’m tired and I have very little time to get things done, so I’ll keep it short.  Sarah Kate was born at 8:32 weighing in at 7lbs 6oz and Jack Henry was born at 8:34 weighing in at 6lbs 8oz.  They were pretty good sizes for twins.  They definitely have distinct personalities.  Sarah is a bit of a spitfire.  She is loud and in charge.  When she looks around she seems to calculating her next move.  Jack is very laid back.  He feels like an old soul at times.  He’ll often keep his head in one position and move his eyes back and forth like he is checking things out on the sly. 

There are lots of diaper changes and feeding is every 3 hours 24/7.  We tried breast feeding but when it takes 2+ hours to feed twins, and it has to be done every 3 hours… well, you see the problem. So for now we’re going to try just pumping and supplementing with formula.  I thought the lactation consultant would try to convince me otherwise, but she agreed.  She said she hadn’t seen a twin mom yet who could breastfeed and not be completely exhausted all the time.  Time on the boob:  2 hours plus pumping for 15 minutes.  Time on the bottle:  20 minutes plus pumping for 15 minutes.  I struggled with the decision, but they will still get some ”original” milk, and I will have so much more time just to spend enjoying them.  I’ll say this, you’d think breastfeeding would be instinctual to babies, and it is so NOT.  It takes a lot of hard work to get them comfortable with it, and in the meantime they are hungry and screaming and angry that you’re trying to get them to do it. 

We had them in our room in a bassinet/playpen for the first 3 nights and have now moved them into their own room and crib.  There are so many diaper changes and subsequent clothes changes that it just made sense to have them in their own environment rather then adapting our bedroom.  They are napping in there for the first time and are sleeping peacefully.  

We are so thrilled that they are finally here.  I think the first few days you’re in a daze trying to learn and keep up.  It’s hard to find time to bond with them because you’re so busy and exhausted, but we’re getting a routine down and finding more time just to sit and play with them and it’s been fantastic.  They are wonderful additions to the family and we couldn’t be happier.   Well, we’d be happier with  a lot more sleep, but what can you do.

Bed rest has become increasing more uncomfortable.  Getting around is comical for the most part.  I’m thankful for the wall next to my bed that I can brace myself against temporarily every time I get up … especially in the middle of the night.  I’ve perfected the waddle, and I think the babies have dropped because it’s getting that much harder to conceal my belly beneath my maternity shirts when I bother to get dressed at all.  I’m much more tired then I used to be.  I end up taking a few naps a day lately.  We went to have a last hurrah lunch together as a couple and I came home and slept for three hours. 

All in all, I think the pregnancy has gone really well.  I read the forums enough to know that so many women suffer so much more.  It could be a lot worse. Certainly, as everyone says, the end is the hardest.  I don’t know if it’s because it’s so close you can taste it, or if your body really does start to mutiny, but either way I can survive 5 more days.  Part of me is really looking forward to that first night in the hospital after delivery to see if I can actually sleep through the night.  I know that sounds crazy but when you spend so many months getting up 4-5 times a night — and you know you’ll be getting up to feed a few times a night once you get home — the idea of a uninterrupted night of sleep or two is just fantastic.

Anyway, we’re in the home stretch.  Only a few more days to go and we are excited!

I was sleeping in on Saturday as I’m wont to do.  And I heard Drew telling Alex, our Border Collie who passed away a few months ago,  to go upstairs and see me.  I heard the familiar jingling of his collar as he ran up the stairs, and I could hear him trotting across the room to the other side of the bed.  I knew what was coming – he jumped on the bed and drapped himself across me.   I wrapped my arms around him, buried my face in his fur and then suddenly he was gone.  I woke up with tears rolling down my face.

It didn’t feel like a dream – but of course it didn’t feel real either.  I was aware while it was going on that he wasn’t with us anymore, and that made me appreciate it all the more.  It was one of those rare moments that made me wonder if there is life after death…if he was visiting me one last time.  It was probably just a dream, but the experience touched my heart in so many ways.

Bathroom:  I’m supposed to be drinking 100+ ounces of water a day, which I’m pretty good at.  However, that leads to about 20 trips a day to the bathroom.  During the day it’s not so bad, but at night I get up about every 90 minutes.  You can almost set your clock by it.  The worst are the days when I nap too much and then try to catch up with water at night.   Then I average every 60 minutes.  By the time you realize it is time to go, and then actually get out of bed the sudden downward pressure on the bladder can be excruciating. 

Food:   The amount of food I’m supposed to eat for twins is very disproportionate to the amount of room in my increasingly smashed stomach cavity.  Add to that the amount of water I’m supposed to consume, and it’s virtually impossible.  I get full quickly, and heartburn soon follows.   As a result I eat whenever I’m hungry, but hard to say if I’m eating enough.  But the twins are growing ahead of schedule, so I must be doing something right… or we’re both tall and destined to have big babies no matter what.

Eating:   Similar to food, but this is the actual act of eating.  I try to have breakfast with Drew every morning at the table, but that’s the only meal I eat at the table.  I can’t pull myself up to it, so I find myself leaning forward too much for comfort so my mouth can reach my food.  I eat most of my meals propped up in bed – which actually isn’t that comfortable – or laying down in bed, which is awkward.  Sitting on the couch isn’t too bad.

Sleeping:  Did I mention I wake up every hour or so?  Well that’s only part of it.  I have to sleep on my side because my back is too uncomfortable and it’s very much discouraged while pregnant.  The growing pregnancy puts increasing pressure on nerves so that after an hour or so the hip I’m laying on can become very painful.  This requires me to flip over to my other side – which is no easy task when your belly is the size of a pumpkin.   I mostly try to combine the two activities – if I have to turn over I might as well get up and use the bathroom and save myself some trouble.

Movement:  Arched back, clumsy, painful at times.  That about sums it up.  Oh, and Drew frequently helps me get up when he’s home.  Once I sit up, I usually need to take a beat to catch my breath before actually standing up.

Stretching:   Those babies have to fit somewhere, and their growth causes ’round ligament pain’.   This is brief (about a minute) periods of severe pain after a sudden movement.  It can be triggered by getting up, turning over, sneezing, coughing, etc.   The round ligaments surround the uterus and stretch like any other muscle.  Fortunately I don’t have it too often, but it always comes on suddenly.  Yesterday I had to tell myself to breathe while waiting for it to subside.

Lack of energy: This is probably actually a good thing since I’m on bed rest anyway, but it can be a little much at times. If I get up to do a simple activity or run a quick errand I get really worn out.  Trips to the DR, which keep me out for a few hours really take a lot out of me.  Heck, climbing the stairs can take a lot out of me.  Sometimes I get to the top panting like I just ran around the block.  

So, end of complaining…  it had to be said.  Pregnancy is not a bed of roses, and it’s important to document it all.  Obviously it’s all worth it, and when it’s over I’ll probably be wishing for it again.

The pregnancy itself is going great. We had our 32 week appointment last week. The kids are growing like wildfire. The girl was 4lbs 13oz, and the boy was 5lbs – which is big for 32 weeks. Almost 10 pounds of baby brewing already! The ultrasound showed all systems functioning as expected – heartbeat, blood flow through the cord, etc. They are thriving in their little environment.

We had a few concerns with my health. My blood pressure was a little on the high side when they first checked it, and there were signs of protein in my urine. Plus my hands have felt a little swollen lately. All these can be signs of pre-eclampsia, which is nothing to mess around with. It can be deadly to me, and the only cure is to deliver the babies.   Fortunately, a second blood pressure test showed normal levels, and subsequent blood tests all came back mostly normal.  The only notable issue was a slight case of anemia.   Solution:  add an iron supplement to my diet.  Easy.  And no signs of pre-eclampsia.  I think I was just very dehydrated that day.  I mostly get enough water – but 100+ oz a day is no easy feat.

We only got 2 pictures this time but they were 3D!  Unfortunately, the DR was only able to capture the girl.  The boy had his head turned towards my back.  In any case, it’s amazing to see the features of my child while she is still in the womb.  According to the DR she is resting her head on her brother’s behind.  Here’s hoping they always have that bond. 

We knew the basic placement of the two – the girl is on the right head down, and the boy is on the left head up.  The girl is curving a bit more towards the bottom, with the boy higher up.  The problem was that over the past few weeks I’ve been feeling all kinds of crazy activity and movement on the right that I could not only feel but see.  On the left side I rarely felt something without having my hand in place, and even then it was nothing earth shattering.  There was a distinct difference in activity levels between the 2 sides.  I was worried but trying not to overreact. I’d read plenty of forum posts stating that sometimes one twin is more active.

On Wednesday, I called Labor and Delivery in the morning, discussed my concerns, and was told to drink some really cold liquids, lay on my side and feel for an hour.  They said the babies can feel the cold and should react.   If I was still concerned, to call back and they would have me come in an monitor the babies on the heart rate monitor.  Well, after the hour was up, I was feeling more activity – although nothing approaching the level of the left side.  But I knew that he was alive and kicking, and I knew I had an appointment the next day so I decided to wait it out. 

On Thursday my appointment got rescheduled for a week later.  The idea that I’d have to wait a week to get any feedback didn’t sit well in my current state of mind.

Friday night I did the cold water test, and maybe felt 6-7 weak movements. After talking it over with Drew I decided it was time to go to Labor and Delivery and get checked out – if only for my own peace of mind.  So I went in, and they found both heart beats fairly quickly.  They kept me on the monitor for about 20 minutes and the heart beats were strong and normal – indicating no distress or oxygen issues.  Then the DR came in with the sonogram machine to check their locations.  What we found out was that they are still in the same basic positions that we thought they were in, but the boy on the left is facing towards the right (towards the belly button) and the girl is also facing towards the right (my side).  They are spooning each other – although the girl is upside down to the boy.  The DR explained that in those positions, I should really only expect movement on the right side since the both of them are facing that way.  What a relief.

She went on to further say that the strength and consistency of their heart beats were consistent with babies that were a few weeks older, and she pointed out movement in the diaphrams of both babies which indicates they are “practice breathing”.  This practice breathing is not only not always visible, but also not usually seen until about 32 weeks.  She said that they are both big and strong and definitely ahead of schedule in their growth.  She couldn’t have been happier with what she saw, and as a result so were we!

The appointment went better then expected.  Not only did we see the kids, but we found out that the crazy activity I’m feeling on the right is both babies – not just one hyper one, and that the lack of activity on the left is because it’s all body.  The icing on the cake was finding out that they are doing really well and advanced for their age. 

Time to relax.

There were tears and laughter (mostly tears) as we reflected on our brief time with him.  He was more of a companion then we ever expected  and everything that we always wanted.

Goodbye baby – you were so loved.

That said, he’s been gone for about a month now, and I’m starting to get past the guilt of feeling the relief of his absence. He was a Border Collie, and they are one of the smartest, most energetic breeds. He needed almost constant stimulation – from playing frisbee/ball, to hiding his named toys and letting him find them. He was always looking to us for a “job”, and we would come up with new ways to entertain him. How were we going to keep him active with two babies? How marginalized – against our best efforts – would he become?

He would shed a lot. Weekly vacuuming was never enough. There were always tufts of hair wrapped around the kitchen chair legs and the carpet always had an extra protective layer of fur on top. I worried about having kids crawling and trying to keep up with the fur.

He was quite accustomed to riding in the backseat with the window down whenever we went somewhere on the weekends. With two car seats he’d have to sit in the “way back” with the windows up. Not quite as good – plus there would be strollers and stuff back there…would he fit? Would he overheat without the air flow?

Getting home late was always a stressor because we knew we was waiting for us. We felt guilty going out at night and staying out too late when it would impact either when he would get his dinner and/or go to bed. Dogs are routine oriented, and get used to things happening at a certain time.

Poo on the grass with kids? That could get ugly.

The most recent reminder is that I’m on bedrest. I can’t imagine having to manage a very active dog when I’m supposed to be laying down 98% of the day.

While there are many things that remind me of how much I miss and loved him, I have to also acknowledge the ways in which our lives have been made easier by his passing. It can be a lot of work raising a dog, and he definitely helped prepare us for the next chapter of care taking.

Overall the appointment went really well. The boy is finally measuring larger then the girl. He’s 2lbs 10oz and she is 2lbs 6oz. They are still about a week ahead of schedule. I’m feeling much more movement these days, but the girl remains the more active of the two. I’ve actually started “seeing” movement which is really cool. Little bumps in the belly and an occasional slide of (what I’m assuming to be) a foot. Sometimes I poke where the movement was and I feel something hard, and poke again and it’s gone! So they are reacting and moving around. It’s certainly a little strange though – this movement through the belly business. If this were a movie I’d have dripping fangs rupturing out any minute. Fortunately it’s just a few sweet little babies who are quickly becoming more and more of a reality to us.

The bad news is that my cervix went from 3.6 centimeters at my 22 week appointment to 2.9 centimeters at my 27 week appointment. The danger is that if it shortens too much too early I could go into labor. The DR indicated I’d be in dangerous territory if it kept decreasing at that rate. Anything under 2.5 and they start putting you on drugs to help the babies lungs start developing faster. So, if they are born earlier, hopefully they can breathe unassisted. We’re almost to 28 weeks, which is a good milestone – viability gets better, and risk of serious complications go down, but still in the 40-50% range. Scary.

As a precaution I’ve been taken off work and put on modified bedrest. This means laying in bed or on the couch with my feet up most of the day. That helps take the downward pressure off the cervix. I’m allowed 30 mintues a day of “light” activity which I’ve been spreading out by getting up a little more frequently. I can go to the bathroom, shower, make myself quick snacks, etc. I just can’t clean, cook, grocery shop (unless the trip is under 30 minutes and no heavy lifting), laundry, etc. I’m a world class relaxer by nature, and it’s been hard even for me. It’s one thing to want to take it easy, but it’s a whole new ballgame to _have_ to take it easy. Luckily I have lots of good TV, movies, internet and books.

The next step, if my cervix keeps shortening, is full bedrest. That means absolutely no activity outside of bathroom breaks and a shower every few days. I’m really hoping I don’t have to go there…

Next appointment: 29 weeks

We’re still trying to get everything ready. The rooms are finally painted, but we have yet to actually pick out a theme. It’s an amazing amount of work getting ready for babies… Even just trying to pull together a registry is crazy. Who knew that babies needed so much stuff?! For some of the bigger items – like swings and saucers we’re just putting in 1 rather then 2. For starters, we don’t have the room for two of everything, and I think they can be doing different things at different times – one in the swing, one in the bouncer, etc.

There is definitely more kicking going on these days. I mostly feel it when I’m laying in bed at night, but they are becoming more active during the day. The girl seems to be the wild one with the boy more mellow. I’ve read that their personalities in the womb reflect their personalities once they are born… so we’ll see.

Other then that things are just moving along…

Just a month ago, I posted this “Note” on Facebook. When the trend was going around to post 25 random facts about yourself, I much preferred to post 25 random facts about him because he is that special. At the time I wrote it I recall thinking I wanted to preserve many of the special memories I had of him. I had no idea that the wheels were about to fall off the wagon.

We’re beyond heartbroken at the thought of losing him tomorrow, but we have to do what’s best for him.

============

1. He’s a 5-year old Border Collie named Alex

2. He’s almost 65 pounds, which is about 20 pounds bigger then the average Border Collie. He’s not overweight – just tall and long.

3. We Alex to keep our other dog, Harvey, company. Unfortunately Harvey passed away unexpectedly about a year and a half later.

4. We feel bad that Alex is alone all day, so we take him to Metro Dog once a week so he can be part of a pack. He loves loves loves it there. Play with the pack for a few hours, sleep for a few hours, play with the pack for a few hours… and so on all day.

5. He won’t play with other dogs until he knows them really well. What he usually does is find a group of dogs and herd them. Especially at the dog park – he will find a group and run constant circles around them. Most people find it pretty amusing. He feels like he’s doing his job.

6. Speaking of jobs, he’s happiest when he has a job. Since we don’t have any sheep at our house, we’ve taken to naming all his toys, hiding them around the house, and then telling him which one to go get. He knows all the names of his 20+ toys, and his retrieval success rate is usually around 85%.

7. He has recently decided that he needs a job when I’m in the shower. He’ll come up and tap on the glass and then stare at me expectantly. So I tell him which toy to get an off he goes.

8. He knows “upstairs” and “downstairs”. When we’re downstairs and tell him “birdy” is “upstairs” he’ll run up looking for it. If he’s having a hard time finding it we hear him running around and jumping on/off the bed in his pursuit. He’s persistent.

9. He was raised with cats (who were raised with Harvey). So they all have a healthy respect for each other. One of our cats loves him more then he loves us. He is Alex’s little shadow. Follows him around everywhere…jumping on the bed when Alex jumps on the bed, jumps off when he jumps off and does everything he possibly can to lay next to him and mark him by rubbing on him. Alex is a good sport about it for the most part, but sometimes he gets a little frustrated and bares his teeth at him or snaps at him. Doesn’t faze the cat a bit.

10. He’s not allowed to herd the cats, but he is allowed to police their scratching in forbidden places. If the cats are scratching someplace they are not supposed to he will run up and insert himself between the cat and said object. Sometimes he’ll bare his teeth a little (he doesn’t understand that cats don’t know what teeth baring means). But he’s effective.

11. If he thinks the cats are fighting (not playing) he’ll insert himself between them. He doesn’t always know the difference, but we tell him that they’re okay, and he settles back down.

12. He likes to spoon – and I like having a big warm fluffy dog to snuggle with.

13. He likes to lay on my pillow between the headboard and my head and lay his face on my shoulder. The cat sleeps there at night, and Drew told Alex to lay there one night as a joke. He liked it so much that he lays there all the time now. We don’t let him sleep on the bed, but he can come visit.

14. Alex knows his place in the pack. Unlike Harvey, there is no question that we are higher in the pack order then he is – and he is super sweet and eager to please.

15. We have a dog door built into the service door between the garage and the backyard, and he has a bed in the garage. He can go back and forth while we’re at work. When the garage door opens he goes straight to his bed and stays there until we pull the cars in or out and close the garage door. It’s a relief because Harvey would always take off down the court at every opportunity. Alex mostly stays in the yard.

16. He’s good with kids. We’ve been saying for years that the dog needs a “boy” to play with. We’re happy that he’s going to get his wish before he’s too old to enjoy it.

17. He gets anxious when we get anxious. If we’re reacting to a movie or video game he will either attempt to bury himself on the upset person or go snuggle with the other of us. It doesn’t take much – we never yell in the house. Just raising our voice in frustration upset him.

18. Based on advice, we tried playing a recording of a baby crying loudly to get him used to the sounds. It didn’t bother him a bit. I think he might get a bit freaky when he hears actual babies crying and upset in the house – babies that are part of his pack.

19. He loves car rides (no surprise) but we had to work with him for about 2 years to get him to this point. We got him from a breeder in Fort Bragg – and he threw up 3 times in the first 20 minutes on the way home (very windy road). From then on he’d turn green and start to drool in the car, sometimes eventually throwing up. We spent a lot of time taking him on short trips with great rewards (dog park, Petco). Sometimes we’d put him in the car and just drive around our neighborhood for a few minutes, or sometimes we made him lay in the car in the garage for a few minutes. Now he’s fine. Our longest trip with him was to Vegas and back.

20. When we first brought him home, Harvey was 9. Alex was a little puppy coming into his house, but it soon become apparent that Alex was going to be higher in the pack order. Harvey was very submissive to other dogs. Dogs figure these things out naturally, and Alex just assumes more of a leader role most of the time.

21. We stopped taking him to the dog park regularly because it seemed like there was always an aggressive dog there. Alex doesn’t start anything, but he doesn’t back down easily either when another dog is pushing the boundaries.

22. His favorite thing to do is play Frisbee. He’s really good at it. We play with him in the back yard 3 times a day on average. He’d play all day if we would only oblige.

23. He’s gone through a lot of toys over the years. For the most part he’s not destructive with his toys but eventually he’ll chew holes in them. He does, however, still have the very first toy we named for him. It’s dirty – but no holes.

24. He’ll learn the name of a new toy within minutes. Like children he loves when we bring a new toy home, and we start working with him right away so he knows which toy it is … foxy, birdy, rabbit, bear, etc. We’ll throw it and say “Go get horsey!”

25. He’s our last dog for a while. Including Harvey, Drew has had dogs for the past 15 years and while they bring a lot of love into the house they are also a lot of work. We feel bad that Alex doesn’t have another dog in his pack, but we lucked out with him. He is a really good boy and I worry that the next dog might turn out to be hell on wheels. You just never know – like people they all have their own personalities – and only so much of that is nature vs nurture.

We had our 18 week appt last week and everything is still on track. We’re almost definitely having a boy and a girl. The girl was measuring 18 weeks, 4 days, 9 oz and the boy was measuring 18 weeks, 2 days, 8 oz – both were ahead of schedule considering our appt was at 17 weeks, 5 days. The DR expressed a little surprise that the boy was smaller than the girl – it’s usually the exact opposite. Since they are both ahead of schedule she said it was fine. I meant to ask her if fetuses have “growth spurts” but that’ll have to wait until the next appointment. I’m not going to obsess about a baby that is bigger then average. Worry a little yes… obsess – no.

Other then that, we’ve been busy buying cribs, strollers and car seats. It’s amazing how expensive everything is and how much you need of it. And then double it for twins. We’re finding a LOT of really good deals though, and have already saved 100’s of $$ over the widely advertised average prices. If we can find big ticket items for 100-200 off, well it just makes good sense to grab it.

I guess that’s about it. We’re just cruising along, trying to cover all our bases. Reading the books, trying to come up with names, trying to come up with color schemes and themes. There’s just a lot to think about – more then I ever would have imagined. It keeps us busy.

Next appointment – 22 weeks!

The Girl

The Boy

We got some new photos, but I haven’t scanned them in yet. They don’t really look any different than the 13 week pics, so nothing much to see. They were growing a day ahead of schedule, and clocking in around 3.5 inches. It’s really kind of amazing because when you think about 3.5 inches it just doesn’t seem that big. However, if you have a ruler handy, take a look.. it’s a decent size! And while not fully baked, they do have all their parts pretty much in place by this point. Everything just has to get bigger.

And the big question everyone asks – what are you having? By most accounts you just can’t definitively say until between 16-20 weeks. It’s just a guess up until that point. We did, however, have both ultrasound techs at the 13 and 15 week appts “guess” that it’s one of each. Then again, our friend was told two boys and didn’t find out until they were born that she had one of each.

Between IVF and high risk, we’ve been fortunate that this was our 5th ultrasound! Many people have only had 1-2 at this point. It’s been very reassuring to see them growing and thriving. At this stage in the pregnancy you still don’t feel anything other than ill or tired. There are no kicks to let you know someone is in there. All you have is the occasional ultrasound and faith that it’s all going to work out.

Next appointment is at 18 weeks.

The next step was getting the testing results, which is a statistical average of how likely the babies are to having Down Syndrome, Trisomy 13 or Trisomy 18.  Before coming into the test, based on my age at birth alone, our odds for Downs were 1 in 180.  After the test our odds were 1 in 187.  Odds for Trisomy 13 or 18 came out to about 1 in 6200.  My results were in the elevated risk range and it was recommended that we get Amniocentesis to conclusively check for any chromosomal abnormalities (not just Downs). 

It seemed like a no-brainer to test until we found out there is a risk of major complications from the test itself which involves sticking a needle into the amniotic sack and withdrawing amniotic fluid.  The complications can range from infection, to leakage of the amniotic fluid if the hole doesn’t close properly to uterine contractions which can cause early labor and miscarriage.  With a single baby the odds of complications are in the 1/400 range, but with twins (since they have to puncture both sacks) the odds are closer to 1/200.

So, if the odds of having Downs is close to 1/200 and the odds of the procedure causing a potential miscarriage are 1/200 it just didn’t make sense for us to risk the test.  We wouldn’t do reduction either way, and we’ve spent too much time, effort and money getting to this point to do anything that could negatively impact the outcome.  At the end of the day 1/187 is only .53%.  That means our odds of having babies without Downs is 99.47%.  We survived much greater odds to get to this point.  I’m not going to sweat a half a percent.   We’re past the first trimester and I’m ready to finally relax and enjoy this pregnancy.
 

Baby A -13 Weeks

Baby B - 13 Weeks

The truth is that it makes you feel like crap almost constantly.  I’m always in a state of fatigue.  Sometimes to the point of not being able to keep my eyes open at work.  I sleep anywhere from 9-12 hours  and supplement that with a nap on the weekends.  I can’t walk from the ferry to work without stopping and resting – the same walk I’ve done twice a day for the past 14 months.  I can’t make plans because inevitably I’ll be too tired to enjoy them.  I get up to pee 2-5 times a night.  I have almost no appetite and many food aversions (no cravings).  It can be challenging to find food that doesn’t make me queasy.  Thankfully I’m not actually hugging the toilet bowl like many other ladies.  I think that’s my only saving grace.

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m grateful and excited to be pregnant. I know a million other women would trade places with me in a minute, but for now it kind of sucks.

Baby A measured 14 mm with a heartbeat at 158
Baby B measured 16 mm with a heartbeat at 172

Good stuff!

Prior to the 6 week ultrasound I was about as anxious as I’ve ever been in my entire life.  My greatest fear was that we’d gone through all this, and would end up with a blighted ovum.  I’m a realist by nature – and a bit of a pessimist based on years of infertility.  I told myself that if we had a good ultrasound I’d stop worrying.  Imagine my surprise when they saw 2 sacs and they both had beating hearts!

For the most part I did stop worrying…until a few days ago.  The anxiety is creeping back in.  I’m not falling asleep easily and I wake up frequently.  It’s far from the levels from a few weeks ago, but I’ll be glad to get past tomorrow with a clean bill of health.

In the meantime, we decided to do the last fresh IVF on our own without telling anyone.  I was so burnt out on blogging and reading forums and answering questions that I just wanted to get it over with.  I felt like I was going through the motions for what was surely bound to end in disappointment.  I even started telling the family that we were going to stop trying at the end of the year, and that the odds were good that there would be no children.

On Oct 1 we embarked on our last fresh cycle.  On Oct 23rd we ended up with 14 eggs, 12 of which were mature, 10 fertilized, and all 10 made it to Day 3.  We were converted to a 5 day transfer, at which point there were 2 blastocysts in good shape with another 5 that they wanted to keep an eye on until the next day.  We transferred 2, and 1 was still viable to freeze the next day.  And then we waited.

20 minutes after Obama was declared the next President of the United States on Nov 4th, we took a test (12 DPO) and threw it on the counter.  A few minutes later a faint positive line showed up and subsequent tests got darker for the next 4 days.  Next we went in for blood betas and the hormones were increasing appropriately.  And that brings us to 11/21 when we had our 6w1d ultrasound where they saw not 1 but 2 sacs and 2 little beating hearts. 

Our next appointment is Friday for our 8-week ultrasound.  There is a 20% chance that we’ll lose one of the twins (vanishing twin), and a relatively low chance we’ll lose them both. But for now we’re good and we’re happy.  It’s been a long journey.