The Upside of Down
26 April 2009As tough as it was to lose our dog Alex at such a critical time in our lives, it’s impossible to not also appreciate the benefits of not having a dog. Let me preface this by saying I would do anything to have him still with us – and we tried everything possible. I don’t feel like we left any stone unturned in trying to save him. He was the sweetest, smartest boy and he was my baby. He cuddled with me every morning. He spent his weekends in the yard with Drew. We took him with us whenever possible and made trips to special places just for him. He was loved and adored.
That said, he’s been gone for about a month now, and I’m starting to get past the guilt of feeling the relief of his absence. He was a Border Collie, and they are one of the smartest, most energetic breeds. He needed almost constant stimulation – from playing frisbee/ball, to hiding his named toys and letting him find them. He was always looking to us for a “job”, and we would come up with new ways to entertain him. How were we going to keep him active with two babies? How marginalized – against our best efforts – would he become?
He would shed a lot. Weekly vacuuming was never enough. There were always tufts of hair wrapped around the kitchen chair legs and the carpet always had an extra protective layer of fur on top. I worried about having kids crawling and trying to keep up with the fur.
He was quite accustomed to riding in the backseat with the window down whenever we went somewhere on the weekends. With two car seats he’d have to sit in the “way back” with the windows up. Not quite as good – plus there would be strollers and stuff back there…would he fit? Would he overheat without the air flow?
Getting home late was always a stressor because we knew we was waiting for us. We felt guilty going out at night and staying out too late when it would impact either when he would get his dinner and/or go to bed. Dogs are routine oriented, and get used to things happening at a certain time.
Poo on the grass with kids? That could get ugly.
The most recent reminder is that I’m on bedrest. I can’t imagine having to manage a very active dog when I’m supposed to be laying down 98% of the day.
While there are many things that remind me of how much I miss and loved him, I have to also acknowledge the ways in which our lives have been made easier by his passing. It can be a lot of work raising a dog, and he definitely helped prepare us for the next chapter of care taking.